In relationships Women are not supposed to be ‘playing the field!’

In relationships Women are not supposed to be ‘playing the field!’

just feel like sharing got from bunmi sofola 

When a long-term relationship dies—this by the way includes marriage—the hurting partners need enough time to grieve so they won’t burn their fingers twice by jumping into new relationships. We all felt sorry for Mac, a cherished friend, when his wife left him. Usually, it’s the man who kicks out his partner, and no amount of trying to patch up the relationship would shift him, but this time around, the shoe is on the other foot, and we couldn’t make Mac’s wife change her mind anyway; she was already abroad with her new-found love and a pregnancy she had whilst still married to Mac! When I got invited to one of Kate’s on-the-spur-of-the-moment get together bash, I brought Mac along to try and cheer him up. Kate is a very good friend and as luck would have it, Debola, a sort of Kate’s clone was around. She never says no to having a good time. After her marriage of eight years hit the skids, she was happy she’d already had all the children she wanted. Three—a girl and two boys. Marriage had always cramped her style, she confessed. Now that she was answerable to no one, she was bent on making the most of her new-found freedom. A hard-working professional with a measure of success to show for it, she hit the party circuit with vengeance. By the time she met Mac at Kate’s party, she’d already had some proverbial male notches on her belt! Mac was smitten as soon as he clamped eyes onher and I made the necessary introductions. That was all they needed to make the fireworks crackle. By the end of the evening, they were an item as Mac happily left with Debola. Mentally, I resolved to speak with Mac before he got too carried away. Debola might be the catch of the moment, but definitely not a main meal and I didn’t want Mac’s heart to be broken all over again. It was some few months after that I saw Mac, by which time, Debola was a fever in his blood. Most of his words were laced with ‘Debola did this’, ‘Debola said that’. Subtly, I tried to warn him to take things slowly so he wouldn’t get hurt again. He assured me he knew what he was doing, that Debola was as smitten as he was. As he spoke, she was at the flat for the weekend. Why didn’t I come to the flat for a meal? Well, why not? Debola was the perfect hostess when we arrived, cooking and cleaning without being boring. “You obviously like Mac,” I observed, as soon as he was out of ear-shot. “He certainly is my flavour of the moment,” she told me excitedly. “He’s well-hung too. The wiry looking ones are the best and he definitely rings my bell all of the time!” So, why did I feel uneasy? Because I’ve heard her praise men to high heavens, only for her to give them the push when a more interesting prospect shows up. Since Mac was single and not bad-off financially himself, maybe Debola would want to settle down for a change. Now they lived together on and off, who knew what could happen? The whole thing lasted for just over a year. It was Kate who first alerted me that Debola was having it off with a banker she met at her flat. My heart dropped. Was Debola such a sex fiend? If Mac was ‘well-hung’ according to her, what did this banker have to offer? “Mac wanted Debola to move in permanently with him, but she told him she wasn’t ready,’ continued Kate. “You know she has this expensive flat she bought at Dolphin which she did to her taste. What would happen to it if she lived with Mac on a permanent basis? Debola said she wasn’t having any of that. That house is her little haven from the world’s stress. Why throw all that over for Mac? What’s more, Mac was keen on remarrying. She wasn’t. “The last Valentine’s Day, he really got romantic, promising Debola his undying love and letting her know how happy he was to find a partner better than the trollop of a wife who ditched him for a richer man. What some men don’t realize is that when you start whining about past relationships, it puts their current partner off. “ Anyway, this banker is up Debola’s street as he is married but adventurous. In case you’re mentally looking at how to mend Mac and Debola’s affair, forget it. The banker, according to her, is also well hung!” Debola’s appetite for sex is obviously insatiable! Poor Mac. What was to become of him? That question was answered a few days later when Debola called me on her cell phone. “Aunty,” she gushed as soon as I picked her call. “I know how you feel about Mac, that’s why I want to be the first to tell you Iam backing out.” I felt as if someone had died. “You have to break it up with him as gently as you could—you know the wound his wife’s betrayal left is still raw,” I warned. ‘Exactly,’ agreed Debola, “but I’m afraid I’m not the tactful type. “ I love Mac in my own way, but he expects too much from this relationship. He was okay at first. He made me feel young and alive and was such a considerate and experienced lover. But the magic waned when he started discussing marriage, insisting we should be together all the time. That was scary, believe me. As you know, I have no immediate plans to settle down. I loved the excitement the passion of our trysts offered, and he should have left things at that. The more subtly I dropped the hint, the more demanding he became. In the end, I had to send him an e-mail yesterday telling him it was over. I should have had the guts to tell Mac to his face instead of sending him a cowardly e-mail but I didn’t want to face the hurt I was bound to see in his eyes!” After I hung up, I felt numb. Mac is being hit a painful punch at the solar plexus yet again! How sad. Out there are thousands of girls who’d give their right arm to land a catch like Mac. And this is Debola, chucking him out of the window! I dread the day I would see Mac. My only consolation is that I played no active role in bringing them together. Still, the thought of him crying into his beer all over again makes me want to tell Debola a thing or two about how she lives her life. But it’s really not my business. She has a right to live her life the best way she deems.